I’m beginning to make the transition from keeping this blog extremely private and turning into something more available to the public. With this new direction in mind, I will put more of an emphasis on revision and quality.

I’ve been using my site as an outlet to express the current headspace I inhabit during my time of writing. I’ve already begun asking my peers to navigate through the page in hopes to get criticism, but I am worried about how this may impact my writings. In the past, I have freely written in solace knowing that I was appealing to an audience of one, but this is no longer the case.

I’ll take note of this now with the hopes that upon re-reading this post in the future, I will find no compromise has happened. If the alternative is to be true, I should use this post as a way to ground myself and reestablish the integrity of my compositions. Now onto the meaty bits.

I began this morning on YouTube, scrolling through a list of recommended videos their algorithm had in place for me. I stumbled upon a reporter satirically bashing on the “Safe Space” idea of Social Justice Warriors. I’ve had a rather stigmatic view on these so-called “warriors,” but I was intrigued to see what their rationalizations might be.

The reporter, Mark Dice, moves to emphasize how the idea of a “safe space” is laughable by noting that the people who get offended by racist jokes don’t know how to have fun. One SJW he interviews mentions that she believes it is okay to allow a consenting father and daughter to engage in sexual activities in her notion of a “safe space.”

I think the basis behind the “social justice warrior” way of thinking is one that is genuine and of kind regard for human beings. However, I also believe that those who get easily offended by crude jokes are generally weak-minded and that those who welcome incest derive from defective morality. I believe the majority of them to occupy the pessimistic philosophy I call the “victim mentality.” This is no good.

As one interviewee points out, context is important when making what could be sexist or racist jokes. At a comedy event, many people may find these things enjoyable. Perhaps a stranger on the street would not appreciate the same jokes.

Having said that, I think people are far too easily offended especially in the US. This may be a direct consequence of our “participation trophy epidemic.” We are raised up believing that everything we do is respected work, and that we are all highly-deserving and capable human beings. While the latter holds true, the former is but a respite in a dog-eat-dog world. Children who grow up with this sort of unnatural protection will have difficulty dealing with the unexpected. In the face of adversity, they will not have the skill-set required to pivot and adjust. They will do anything but thrive in a world where competition is high and greed and power prevail. They will find there are no 2nd or 3rd place trophies in many pursuits of life.

Like the late philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, I wish turmoil and chaos upon those that I care about most! I hope you all dabble in hardships and emerge like a rose that grew from concrete!

 

We learn from our errors. It is human nature to focus on the mistakes we make, and it is quite difficult to focus on our achievements- though this is equally important. I spent 15 minutes today trying to focus on my most memorable memories as a kid until now. I noted that the majority of my memories were ones where either I or someone else had made a mistake- and what I learned from them.

The earliest instance of this was in preschool, when Soo-bin (I hope you’re fine now buddy) wet himself in class. I can put it into words now, so I can reminisce at the powerful embarrassment that overcame him due to the constraint of societal standards that a 5 -year-old should have adhered to. The first rule I learned: one should not wet himself in class for fear of embarrassment and laughter from peers. This was etched into my brain and I’m glad to say I have not succumbed to the same fate Soo-bin had so many years ago.

 

 

I spent the last 20 minutes skimming through most of my blog posts on this site. I’ll write on my reflection having read my previous posts.

The underlying problem I that comes up relates with my incessant self-doubt and monkey mind chatter that discourages progress. Not to worry though, I am optimistic that my daily routines will steadily improve upon this situation.

I’ve been reading Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss for a couple of days now and ingesting media from entrepreneurs like Gary Vaynerchuk. Upon reading the section regarding wealth in Tim’s book, I stumbled upon the importance of playing the “long game.” It is as it sounds: to stop revolving life around immediate and short-term gains and to anticipate the long-term investment. Gary reiterates when he tells young professionals that he thinks their biggest problem is expecting huge returns in small amounts of time.

The parallels between what Tim and Gary had mentioned allow for me to look at my life with gained perspective. Put simply, I realize now that I have had difficulty playing the long-game. Perhaps due to my youthful immaturity, I was incapable of  drawing out how I would reach my long-term goals. My whole life had been revolving around an abundance of small, short-term gains and a negligible amount of things that I cared for in the long-term. I had been wanting instant gratification and mastery over things. These yearnings led to a depression because they were nearly impossible to obtain with the knowledge I had at the time.

Voila, Eureka!

The recurring lesson that has been pounded into my head over my break is this: the value of persistence and hard-work. I’ve been reminded of these important values through means of conversation and reading material. I am confident in my ability to use this knowledge to make abundant and small strides towards my inevitable long-term growth!

I’ve been thinking deeply about the current distractions I have in my life. These next 3 weeks will be the longest period of “free-time” that I will have in months. It’s the perfect time period for me to reevaluate the things that matter to me most. Now is the time.

“Why X?” This is the question I’ve been asking myself before I start any task. “Why am I watching netflix?” “Why am I playing the drums?” Perhaps this is the most important question one can ask himself/herself. The answer that frequents my mind is this: “because I fear failure.” This has been a recurring theme in my life. I have found that I am doing many things because I wish the pass the time and ignore the things that are important but also scare me the most. It’s the fear of failure that we all hear so much about. By pushing down things further down the queue of things that need to get done, I can briefly rejoice in short-term satisfaction but face worse consequences in the future. This is not ideal.

I tell myself I am lucky to have been born in the US. To be born in a loving family where I never have to worry about food or shelter. I won the genetic lottery simply by being born human. Why is it not enough? Why can’t I just be content with all that I have and really chill out?

I attribute my excessive introspective tendencies in part due to my past experiments with psychedelics. They have helped me gain newfound perspective in life. The experiences propelled me down this rabbit hole and have instilled within me an insatiable hunger for answers. Some people are content after the first few iterations of asking “why?,” but my threshold continues to grow. It’s a double-edged sword and I haven’t quite figured out how to wield it correctly.

It’s an inherent need for control that we as humans so desperately desire. I need to quell that need through means of mindfulness practices, meditation, routines, and other ways to control the monkey mind. I need to come to terms with the realization that life is chaotic in nature. I can never control everything. I am not and will never be perfect, but that is not to say I cannot achieve mastery in multiple fields of my choosing.

Let’s throw in a little order into the chaos that is life.

It’s time to refuel!

Key Points:

• “A Comfort Zone Challenge is a planned action to face a fear with the primary goal of overcoming this fear or increasing your courage and confidence. This action includes a calculated risk of negative social evaluation but does not expose you to real danger or long-term negative consequences.”
• Planned action: don’t run around like a headless chicken trying to make a challenge out of everything.
• Primary goal: differentiate challenges from just random acts, real-life situations, and pranks.
• Avoid real danger and long-term negative consequences: don’t mess with the wrong people and avoid places you frequent

The above key points are from http://www.comfortzonecrusher.com

Introduction

Public speaking is the number one fear for most people in the US. We often think about and fear this more than death. Most people in their early adulthood don’t give much thought into their own mortality. Instead, we misalign our fears into things like rejection and embarrassment. My desire to fix this sort of misalignment was the basis for starting my comfort challenge. To step outside the safety of my comforts and to increase the range of quality experiences. It was a necessary step for me to take to increase the quality of my life.

It’s important to note that fear will always exist, but it is to our benefit to face them so that we may challenge ourselves to grow. In hindsight, doing this challenge was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Rejection & Embarrassment

Being sure to maintain eye contact, ask for the phone numbers of at least two (the more you attempt, the less stressful it will be) attractive members of the opposite sex for three days. Girls, this means you’re in the game as well, and it doesn’t matter if you’re 50+. Remember that the real goal is not to get numbers, but to get over the fear of asking, so the outcome is unimportant.

-Tim Ferriss on getting over rejection

During my 4 years in college, I’ve made friends mostly through the following means: mutual friends, classes, or from the dorms. While this is usually the case for most people, this meant that I was missing out on potential relationships with a vast majority of interesting people that I routinely passed by.

The idea of approaching a stranger and trying to strike up conversation terrified me. I wasn’t sure what to expect from strangers. What if he/she says something mean? Then I thought, “I probably would not see him/her again, so why am I making such a big deal out of it?” I began to think logically, and I realized that I had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. This first step into getting over my fear of rejection and embarrassment would allow me to unlock greater potential for the future.

The first time I approached a stranger of the opposite sex was admittedly nerve-wracking. It’s interesting to note how simple I think the approach would have been with her male counterpart. I took on Tim Ferriss’ challenge in his book “The 4-Hour Workweek,” and approached Michelle- an attractive undergrad and aspiring healthcare professional. My anxious tendencies diffused a substantial amount after we shared a couple words. She complimented my bravery and we shared a good laugh about the difficulties of approaching strangers. She gave me her number and we went our separate ways. It was a success.

Disclaimer: I walked around campus for nearly an hour before I put on my big boy pants and approached her.

Towards the end of the challenge, I’ve learned the importance of not caring. Who cares if strangers judge or say mean things? Chances are that I will never see them again. It could also just be that they are having a bad day. We are all prone to having bad days.

This interaction happened before I started my comfort zone challenge, but it was a noteworthy event in my life. It had marked the beginning of my challenge conquest. All these social fears that I had were given healthy introspection and looked at through newly gained perspectives. After my interaction with Michelle, I grew the courage to take selfies with strangers, and my phone-book began to grow quickly with the addition of newly collected phone numbers.

People are cool, I’m pretty cool

“Ask yourself, Am I the kind of person I would like to have as a friend?”

-Napoleon Hill

Strangers want to like you. This usually holds true, but there are a handful of people that might think the other way (maybe they are having bad days). Difficult people should not be given an ounce of anger, but instead pity.

I have found that smiling and laughing when talking with strangers helps them feel immensely more comfortable with you. These have to be genuine though! I’m still working on it, but I’ve seen how a genuine smile or laugh can reduce the amount of tension in social interactions. Conversations are more fluid between friends, so it is to our benefit to talk to others as if they are already our friends.

Another important thing to note is to be a person you yourself would want to be friends with. Since I’ve read the above quote by Napoleon Hill, I often ask myself if I am about to do something I would not want a friend of mine to do. It comes from honest introspection, and I have found that there are silly habits of mine that are quite easy to fix by just asking myself that one question.

Side note: No one is perfect.

Over the course of the next 3 weeks, I would approach more strangers, have lengthy (10-120 minute) and enlightening conversations with them, buy them food, fantasize about building a pirate ship/crew, and fall in love with new activities (slacklining) I would have never tried before if I had stayed within the confines of my comfort zone.

Relationships

“Every great athlete, artist and aspiring being has a great team to help them flourish and succeed – personally and professionally. Even the so-called ‘solo star’ has a strong supporting cast helping them shine, thrive and take flight.”

-Rasheed Ogunlaru

How could my general mood not increase after making so many quality friends in such a short period of time? I feel a higher sense of empathy for others and have noticed increased amounts of laughter and fulfillment!

There were two times during my challenge where I had negative feelings overwhelm me. The first was brought on by my insatiable thirst for perfection. Somewhere along the line, I had forgotten again about the lessons I had learned from my first existential crisis. I fell into the trap of self-judgment and filled myself with negative ideas. “I’m a failure for x,” where x is anything I may have shortcomings in.

I can’t give enough thanks to Maple- who happened to help me take control of the self-defeating talk. She took the time to read my blog and told me in the nicest way possible way that she thought I should “chill out.” She was critical and honest, yet polite in explaining that she felt I was putting too much stress on myself. This meant to slow things down and take time to gain perspective.

I had forgotten all about the importance of “chilling out.” In order for us to grow, we must on occasion pause and give ourselves room to breath. I had been drowning in my own thoughts and self-doubt. I knew immediately during our conversation that she was right. I needed to slow down and get it right in my head that I am not and will never be perfect. Thank you Maple!

Check out Maple’s blog here!

The second time was during a walk home after a grueling night of late-night studying. Again, I began my crisis by questioning the meaning behind everything I was doing. The self-defeating talk stormed back stronger than before. I caved in to my demons and told myself that I needed to stop relying on anyone for anything. I looked at myself in the mirror and was convinced I was all I ever needed. I opened up Tim Ferriss’ new book with the intention to learn how to do things on my own when it hit me. The very fact that I opened up the book meant I was already looking to rely on someone else’s opinion for advice. That night, I read the foreward for Tim Ferriss’ new book written by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The governator talks about his rise to success (a nebulous term at best). To summarize, he didn’t achieve his heights on his own. He rode on the shoulders of giants and looked to them for inspiration and help. It was a well timed wake-up call that almost instantaneously eradicated my self-defeating talk. I felt like I was being nudged towards the right path again. It was a warm and familiar feeling.

I rationalized that night that it would be cowardly for me to think I could do everything on my life. By doing so, it would mean that I don’t have the capacity to rely on others for help. It would mean that I have a fear of depending on others. To try and achieve everything on my own would be contradictory to all the things I’ve learned from my years on this planet and from my own comfort zone challenge! I am who I am because of all the people who have inspired and influenced me. I will accept the help of others and place trust and hope in those that I come across. I will be mindful of human error, and not judge others too harshly.

Routine

“Routine, in an intelligent man, is a sign of ambition”

-W. H. Auden

The comfort challenge turned into a routine of mine. I would spend the last few hours of my nights thinking of what I should do next. Mau(a close friend who did the challenge with me) and I would share the ideas we had on Google Docs. I loved having someone to discuss potential challenges with. When challenges seemed too easy, we would ask each other for advice and keep ourselves in check.

I think one of the greatest values routines give me is the ability to budget my creative thinking. They allow me to predetermine monotonous tasks that I need to get done and spend more time and energy on the more complex tasks at hand.

In summary:

“He or she who is willing to be the most uncomfortable is not only the bravest but rises the fastest.”

– Brené Brown

I’ve learned a lot about myself over the course of these last 30 days. My biggest takeaway is that nobody is perfect, so we shouldn’t place massive expectations on others. We control the influence we let in, so we must be choosy with the things we are comfortable with. This goes for the people we interact with, the places we visit, the food we eat, etc. While flawed, we are still capable of achieving great heights through hard work and dedication. We can put intelligent systems in place to help us reach our goals.

Introspection can be used as a power tool to reassess the things that matter most. I find that I ask myself the question, “why?” for a huge number of the things I do in life. It’s interesting going deeper into that rabbit hole and figuring out why it is that you do what you do. This can be difficult at times, as a lack of sleep or difficult situations may produce mental fog and a sense of existential anxiety. We should prioritize priming our physical and emotional state so that we place ourselves in situations where we are most likely to succeed.

We should strive to make use of the tools at our disposal. As one of my favorite computer programming professors would say, “if we don’t have the tools we need, we can make them.” We are fortunate to have access to the internet, where we may find mentors who have dealt with similar situations we find ourselves in. We can effectively reduce the amount of stress and potentially save days, months, or years of time with a simple web search. Get outside your comfort zone now!

Today is the day to break free from the prison of the person you know yourself to be and step into a self you have yet to know. Will it be comfortable? No, but do it anyway.

– Debbie Ford

I haven’t felt as good as I did today for as long as I can remember. I’m trying to figure out the variables that led to my mood being so uplifted today. Coffee + L-theanine, my interactions with people, food, sleep, etc (all my past experiences, the list can go on  forever).

After studying, I was walking home in what is probably the most windy weather I’ve ever experienced here in Irvine. While the gusts were new, the cold weather was something all too familiar (cold showers). I’m walking back in my t-shirt and jamming to my music. I have this sudden feeling of bad-assery engulf me. I see these giant branches in the road i am walking that have fallen down sometime during the day. I glance up, realizing that these swinging trees could quite literally take my life if their branches gave way.

I decided in my head that these branches would stay strong. They would not dare disturb the presence that walked the ground beneath them.  I relished in the feeling, not questioning it. I was in the moment. I was invincible. I did not fear death, death feared me. I remember thinking that the universe could let me go like this. I could not let it happen. I was playing god. I have too much to accomplish to die so early.

Surely enough, the feeling subsided. I reached home and lay in bed thinking about what the fuck I had just gone through. I started thinking more about death and how we really don’t know when we are going to go. We say these words: “someday, sometime, could, would have, if only, among other things.” We live our lives thinking we are immortal. We may turn to things like religion for a sense of security. After this life, we hope to have more time to be happy and have an unlimited amount of opportunity.

I choose to accept this life I’ve been given as I see it. It’s a blessing and a curse. I see myself as a ticking time-bomb, but I find freedom in this realization. It inspires me to pursue the things greater than my own life. This can come in the form of inspiring and helping others.

It’s my opinion that nothing is eternal. After all, entropy can never be reversed. There is a finite amount of energy in this world. Refer to “The Last Question” by Isaac Asimov for an interesting perspective. 

To contemplate on death means to chase the things that excite and fulfill me. To be spontaneous and enjoy life the fullest. To realize that the current amount of energy I now have will dissipate over the years.

I am not invincible, perhaps I someday will be. For now, I’m going to be grateful for the things I have and make the most of the cards I’ve been dealt.

Gratitude Practice

To Sterling, Maggie, Stephen, and Moe, I thoroughly enjoyed slacklining with you fellas today as well as on Wednesday!

I generally like talking with my bro Mau. Always excited to talk about new things with ya bud!

To my actual brother, Daniel. I’ve been talking with you more on a personal level and I’m glad we talk more.

To Maple. We had a great and lengthy conversation yesterday. You are a shining gem! I wanted to make my challenge today to talk with you, but I respect your wanderlust syndrome. I’m glad to have met you, and look forward to more enlightening conversations! If the stars align, I’ll see you sometime in the future. If not, it wasn’t meant to be. No problem.

Writing these feelings of gratitude uplift my mood. I’m going to start my next blog doing it first to see if it will reflect on the actual blog post.

It can be a slippery slope sometimes when diving deep into the self and some fields of study. There come times when we search deeply for answers that turn into incessant obsessions. These in turn show us that sometimes the answers aren’t what we expected them to be. Sometimes we find out disturbing parts of ourselves. It’s this fear of self-understanding that limits people’s understanding of themselves. It can be difficult to be honest with yourself at times, especially when you do something that you objectively think is bad. We rarely consider ourselves the “bad guys.” I forget who the following quote was from, but it read something like this. “Think about your actions and try to be someone you yourself would like to spend time with.”

My difficulty has been on focusing on my positive traits. My friends often tell me I should focus on my accomplishments, and practice gratitude. It’s human nature to focus more on the “bad” things that happen, but I need to consistently work on practicing the opposite.

For tomorrow, I will practice gratitude training and implement it as a new habit of mine.

To Maple. If you are reading this, I want to thank you for reading my blog, and taking the time to give me your constructive criticism. I think you have a very reasonable and valid point in telling me that I should “chill out.” I’ve since made it a point of mine to slow down and smell the roses. The difficulty for me lies in acknowledging achieving perfection vs. becoming the best version of myself.

It’s important to note that almost all of the people I deem “successful” seem to have a habit of meditation and reading. I relate our conversation to the benefits of meditation. From meditation, I learned to pause and slow down life- which led to an overall increase in my quality of life (mood, energy).

Perhaps I need to pursue a more rigorous meditation habit. I haven’t had a lengthy habit of meditation for some time.

On another note, I do find value in things like negative-visualization. Often times, I can think deeply on the worst-case scenario, and rationalize to myself that it quite as bad as I had initially thought it to be.

On gratitude:

Today, I’d like to thank my mother for the amount of food she left with me so that I would have to cook less during the toughest days of the quarter. Her unwavering love is something I should think about more and accept better. Thanks mom! I love you! Love you too, Dad and brother, but you guys weren’t on my mind as much as mom today!

I’m thankful to have met Moe and Sterling. I’m thankful for Sterling for sharing with me about his time in Brazil. I’m grateful that Moe was willing to enlighten me about particle physics and that I was able to carry on such a lengthy conversation with a PhD student in physics.

I’m grateful to have had dinner with Bryan and Priscilla. It’s nice to have positive friends around you. A great mood booster!

I’m generally grateful for the friends that I have. My direction in life has allowed for me to meet fascinating people, and it only seems to be getting better. Recently, some names that come to mind are: Mau, Maple, Manida, Moe, (so many Ms), Eric, Sagar, Linda,  Jon, Tristan, and Dakuo.

I consider Mau to be a brother of mine. I haven’t known him for long, but we are honest with each other and have very stimulating conversations.

The same can be said for Maple, she inspires me to be a better version of myself.

Manida helped me realize the importance of being honest with my intentions. She is a breath of fresh air and always has a smile on her face.

Eric and Sagar are my best buds, we’ve been through thick and thin for more than 8 years. Our brotherhood is strong!

I just had boba with her yesterday. Linda is full of aspirations and understands how to achieve them.

Jon is a man on a mission. He’s still figuring things out, but his curiosity will allow for him to experience adventure. Another example of a goal-setter and goal-achiever.

Tristan is very similar to me. So obviously he will achieve the highest of heights. We sometimes start slow and are confused, but once we have a handle on things, we can use our unique perspective to influence others.

Dakuo has been one of the most profound mentors I’ve had. He’s currently doing research with IBM, but he and I have shared many conversations that I constantly reflect on to find guidance. He taught me the importance of paying it forward.

I can’t help but have a smile on after writing something like this. This is a good practice.