I haven’t felt as good as I did today for as long as I can remember. I’m trying to figure out the variables that led to my mood being so uplifted today. Coffee + L-theanine, my interactions with people, food, sleep, etc (all my past experiences, the list can go on forever).
After studying, I was walking home in what is probably the most windy weather I’ve ever experienced here in Irvine. While the gusts were new, the cold weather was something all too familiar (cold showers). I’m walking back in my t-shirt and jamming to my music. I have this sudden feeling of bad-assery engulf me. I see these giant branches in the road i am walking that have fallen down sometime during the day. I glance up, realizing that these swinging trees could quite literally take my life if their branches gave way.
I decided in my head that these branches would stay strong. They would not dare disturb the presence that walked the ground beneath them. I relished in the feeling, not questioning it. I was in the moment. I was invincible. I did not fear death, death feared me. I remember thinking that the universe could let me go like this. I could not let it happen. I was playing god. I have too much to accomplish to die so early.
Surely enough, the feeling subsided. I reached home and lay in bed thinking about what the fuck I had just gone through. I started thinking more about death and how we really don’t know when we are going to go. We say these words: “someday, sometime, could, would have, if only, among other things.” We live our lives thinking we are immortal. We may turn to things like religion for a sense of security. After this life, we hope to have more time to be happy and have an unlimited amount of opportunity.
I choose to accept this life I’ve been given as I see it. It’s a blessing and a curse. I see myself as a ticking time-bomb, but I find freedom in this realization. It inspires me to pursue the things greater than my own life. This can come in the form of inspiring and helping others.
It’s my opinion that nothing is eternal. After all, entropy can never be reversed. There is a finite amount of energy in this world. Refer to “The Last Question” by Isaac Asimov for an interesting perspective.
To contemplate on death means to chase the things that excite and fulfill me. To be spontaneous and enjoy life the fullest. To realize that the current amount of energy I now have will dissipate over the years.
I am not invincible, perhaps I someday will be. For now, I’m going to be grateful for the things I have and make the most of the cards I’ve been dealt.
To Sterling, Maggie, Stephen, and Moe, I thoroughly enjoyed slacklining with you fellas today as well as on Wednesday!
I generally like talking with my bro Mau. Always excited to talk about new things with ya bud!
To my actual brother, Daniel. I’ve been talking with you more on a personal level and I’m glad we talk more.
To Maple. We had a great and lengthy conversation yesterday. You are a shining gem! I wanted to make my challenge today to talk with you, but I respect your wanderlust syndrome. I’m glad to have met you, and look forward to more enlightening conversations! If the stars align, I’ll see you sometime in the future. If not, it wasn’t meant to be. No problem.
Writing these feelings of gratitude uplift my mood. I’m going to start my next blog doing it first to see if it will reflect on the actual blog post.