Reflecting on reflection

It can be a slippery slope sometimes when diving deep into the self and some fields of study. There come times when we search deeply for answers that turn into incessant obsessions. These in turn show us that sometimes the answers aren’t what we expected them to be. Sometimes we find out disturbing parts of ourselves. It’s this fear of self-understanding that limits people’s understanding of themselves. It can be difficult to be honest with yourself at times, especially when you do something that you objectively think is bad. We rarely consider ourselves the “bad guys.” I forget who the following quote was from, but it read something like this. “Think about your actions and try to be someone you yourself would like to spend time with.”

My difficulty has been on focusing on my positive traits. My friends often tell me I should focus on my accomplishments, and practice gratitude. It’s human nature to focus more on the “bad” things that happen, but I need to consistently work on practicing the opposite.

For tomorrow, I will practice gratitude training and implement it as a new habit of mine.

To Maple. If you are reading this, I want to thank you for reading my blog, and taking the time to give me your constructive criticism. I think you have a very reasonable and valid point in telling me that I should “chill out.” I’ve since made it a point of mine to slow down and smell the roses. The difficulty for me lies in acknowledging achieving perfection vs. becoming the best version of myself.

It’s important to note that almost all of the people I deem “successful” seem to have a habit of meditation and reading. I relate our conversation to the benefits of meditation. From meditation, I learned to pause and slow down life- which led to an overall increase in my quality of life (mood, energy).

Perhaps I need to pursue a more rigorous meditation habit. I haven’t had a lengthy habit of meditation for some time.

On another note, I do find value in things like negative-visualization. Often times, I can think deeply on the worst-case scenario, and rationalize to myself that it quite as bad as I had initially thought it to be.

On gratitude:

Today, I’d like to thank my mother for the amount of food she left with me so that I would have to cook less during the toughest days of the quarter. Her unwavering love is something I should think about more and accept better. Thanks mom! I love you! Love you too, Dad and brother, but you guys weren’t on my mind as much as mom today!

I’m thankful to have met Moe and Sterling. I’m thankful for Sterling for sharing with me about his time in Brazil. I’m grateful that Moe was willing to enlighten me about particle physics and that I was able to carry on such a lengthy conversation with a PhD student in physics.

I’m grateful to have had dinner with Bryan and Priscilla. It’s nice to have positive friends around you. A great mood booster!

I’m generally grateful for the friends that I have. My direction in life has allowed for me to meet fascinating people, and it only seems to be getting better. Recently, some names that come to mind are: Mau, Maple, Manida, Moe, (so many Ms), Eric, Sagar, Linda,  Jon, Tristan, and Dakuo.

I consider Mau to be a brother of mine. I haven’t known him for long, but we are honest with each other and have very stimulating conversations.

The same can be said for Maple, she inspires me to be a better version of myself.

Manida helped me realize the importance of being honest with my intentions. She is a breath of fresh air and always has a smile on her face.

Eric and Sagar are my best buds, we’ve been through thick and thin for more than 8 years. Our brotherhood is strong!

I just had boba with her yesterday. Linda is full of aspirations and understands how to achieve them.

Jon is a man on a mission. He’s still figuring things out, but his curiosity will allow for him to experience adventure. Another example of a goal-setter and goal-achiever.

Tristan is very similar to me. So obviously he will achieve the highest of heights. We sometimes start slow and are confused, but once we have a handle on things, we can use our unique perspective to influence others.

Dakuo has been one of the most profound mentors I’ve had. He’s currently doing research with IBM, but he and I have shared many conversations that I constantly reflect on to find guidance. He taught me the importance of paying it forward.

I can’t help but have a smile on after writing something like this. This is a good practice.



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