I started this morning off on a loss of 10% of my bankroll. It wasn’t a good feeling. But I dusted myself off and began my day with a head of optimism.
One thing that I was able to learn from practicing mindfulness over the past years was that we all see exactly what we want to see. I think things should be this simple. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is such a crucial thing when it comes to relationships. In hindsight, I see how much I focused on what could go wrong in situations, instead of the way I wanted things to be. I haven’t exactly drawn the line on where caution meets naivety, but I know that there is plenty of room for improvement in my situation.
Now that I have had time to think back and reflect on my past year, I often catch myself in thought and question whether what I am thinking is healthy. I’m currently in the process of rebuilding myself, and I could not be more excited. I feel myself growing physically, emotionally, and mentally.
We’ll do this like we did in high school essays. I’ll first discuss my physical growth. I’m more mindful of the things I eat. This may sound strange, but I think that I often eat fatty processed foods when I am feeling ugly. It doesn’t help me look or feel good. It’s relatable to the feeling of instant gratification that ends up being trouble in the future. I haven’t been keeping a consistent gym schedule, but I am taking part in the sports I like, and am staying healthy.
I think my emotional growth has been the greatest as of late. I’ve finally come to terms with dealing with my emotions head on. I learned that front-loading all my emotions ASAP was the best thing that I could do for myself. This means that I am not bottling up my emotions but genuinely acknowledging them to dictate what I should be doing given my current state.
I think that my mental state ties in closely with how I am emotionally. It’s my theory that my practicing mindfulness has furthered my ability to rationalize. I know better now how to deal with my emotions because of it. When I am angry, I’m better able to pause and reflect whether or not that situation should merit any such emotions.
Put everything together and you get an accumulation of a badass named Paul Joon An, and the things he’s learned in his 22 years on this planet. Just a couple of days ago I had so much fun talking with old friends and new. I lived in the moment and could not think of anywhere else I’d rather be. I even stopped myself and thought about how crazy it was that I was able to feel so present-minded in that moment. It wasn’t unlike any night of hanging out with friends before, but it was the first time I realized how much I had changed and grown to live in the now.
If you are reading this, know that life is short and that you must spend your time with the people you love and doing the things you love. Eat the things you love and spread love around. Try to find the best in people and learn to love them as well.
And enjoy the steak.