In high school, I was as judgmental as most high school kids are, and I did many things I would not dare to do today. When I went to college, I still had a lot of the baggage I carried with me throughout high-school, but I chanced upon meditation, and a few experiences that helped me get a better sense of self-awareness and what a better of version of myself would look like.

Time has been flying by lately, and as I get to meet old friends, I notice much change, or the lack thereof. Personally, change has been seemingly constant in my life, and I embrace it as necessary for my own growth. I remember in college, I read from the famous philosopher Alan Watts, talking about the flaw with personal development. He stated, “The flaw with personal development is thinking you need improvement at all.” I’m not sure entirely what he meant by this, but back then, it sounded like a convincing excuse to be content with who you are and not try to change. I see it in a different light now. To be content with who I am, but to know there is more potential to be reached. To be happy with myself, but always strive for better.

The biggest transformation area for me is to stop caring what other people think. I’m catching myself more and more now, and notice when other friends are also so caught up in this. I’m not the type of person to force change on someone, so I probably won’t remark on it, but I use these moments to reflect and use as examples for what not to be. Even now, I’m at a cafe with my back against the entire area, and I think about how weird it might be for a stranger to see me typing this, but it’s necessary friction.

Another one is unrelenting optimism. I reason by telling myself I’m a “realist,” but I recognize that if I want to reach the goals I set out for myself, I need to train and practice optimism and gratitude.

I attribute a lot of these blockages to how I was raised. I don’t claim that I had a rough childhood, in fact compared to most of the world, I had an extremely privileged upbringing, but I can only speak to my example. My Korean parents emigrated from Korea to provide a better living than they had, and I don’t doubt this was the result that happened. Still, coming from a culture where feelings aren’t generally shared, and you rarely speak your mind, I was exposed to a different subset of problems. I’m learning all these things now, at 25, but am grateful that I am at least paying attention now, rather than later.

For a long time, I was told what I should be or do. Even now, there are societal pressures, and I have a strong feeling that most of the world and my peers do things because someone else told them this was the right thing to do. I’m fortunate enough to have found online mentors like Gary Vee and Jordan Peterson, who helped me to better think for myself, and figure out what it is I want to do. I do consider myself privileged, so I need to make the most of my experience for myself, but also for others to see that you can pursue your wants and dreams and make it all work out. I will be another one of the success stories.

Gratitude,

Paul

I’ve been writing in a journal, but recently decided that it would be better to publish my thoughts publicly. I haven’t been posting much on social media, and my life has been a bit more private. I put my head down for the last few months, and grinded, and recently have been slowing down, and taking some time to relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

For some time now, I have been often thinking about life as a marathon, and how big a factor consistency is in achieving long-term fulfilment and sense of purpose/meaning. Most of us wake up on days with no goal in mind. When this happens, your day is full of infinite possibility. Anything can happen. I could purchase a flight to around the world, or go on a few days vacation nearby, spend the day at a cafe, or stay-in and play games. I realized that for most of my life, I have been drawn to this infinite possibility.

The problem here is the imbalance of infinite possibility and actually getting something done. For me personally, this applied mostly in relationships and jobs. If I stay single, I have a near infinite pool of girls that I could potentially date. Inversely, if I settle for a job, I could miss out on a better job.

There’s a sweet-spot here, that I haven’t algorithmically drawn out, but some people have. The popular book, Algorithms to Live by, wrote an interesting theory about a 37% rule, where after you see 37% of the options you have, you should settle with the next choice you are happy with. related article It’s an interesting read, but does not apply in all cases.

I have been thinking more about trying to change my perspective about this. I want to be able to gauge my options, and not be lured by the infinite possibility, but have the courage to make potentially dangerous, risky decisions that could have life-changing implications. To make decisions rooted in courage, optimism, patience, self-awareness, and truth.

Paul